Fivefold Fathers Podcast #2:

Tony Butler, father of eight: “It's not easy, but it's worth it. I attest to it. It is so worth it.”

Nov 03, 2025

In our second “Fivefold Fathers” episode of the One More Soul podcast, I interview mechanic Tony Butler, father of eight. This series is meant to be a resource for young couples looking for guidance and inspiration for welcoming multiple children. The full video is available on YouTube. Here is an edited transcript.

David Stiennon, Chairman of One More Soul: I’m happy to be joined today by Tony Butler, the father of eight children. Thank you for joining me, Tony. So tell me, when you were first thinking about getting married, were you imagining eight children?

Tony Butler: No. I was just so happy to have a girl who would say yes that pretty much that was as far as I got is “This girl said yes!” and I’m like, “Hey this is great!”

OMS: So when you had your first child how do you think that changed you?

Tony: Oh catastrophic! I’ll be all over the place, but I’ll try to always reel myself in. My teenage years were just terrible at best. And my relationship with my dad was…man, he was loving, kind, the best dad you could ask for. I was just so dumb that I just could never see where he was coming from! And then to your question, when my first child was born, I almost instantly got, “Oh, now I understand what my dad was doing!” It was really kind of that big of a deal. It was that big of a deal to hold my child, to really say, “Oh, I have to really be diligent to my spouse.” Oh, I could just really feel a lot more. And again to the relationship with my dad, I’m like, “Oh, I owe this guy an apology.” And really embrace the fatherhood of that.

OMS: And when you had your first child, were you thinking about more at that point?

Tony: No. I was pretty money hungry. I wanted to reach where my parents were—a modest house, a nice car and and a good life. So I was just again so happy to have a girl, my wife. I was so happy to be a husband. I was so happy to be a little family that I said, “This is great!” and didn’t look that much further down the road.

OMS: So when baby number two comes along did that change things?

Tony: No. So baby number two comes and I thought, “this is awesome!” And it’s a girl. Okay. Yay. I grew up…I’m number five of six. So I have four sisters and one brother. So, not strange. Oh, okay. My first two kids are girls. Yay! The dad that I am and always with my children, I’m like, “Hey, these girls can be just as awesome as boys. This is going to be great.”

OMS: So, when you got to four children?

Tony: This I think is where the podcast will get a little bit more interesting. Yeah. So, we are cruising along and the third comes and it’s a little girl and we’re like yay! And the culture leaned heavily on my spouse Kelly: “Is that it? Are you done?” Okay. even some very lovely I think well-intentioned Catholic moms were like, “Oh, I think that might be it, huh?” Kelly and I were kind of weren’t agreeing. We weren’t blissfully joyful joyful. We were having some ups and downs and we went to this little counselor and we both said we both like being parents. I don’t mind working hard. At this time we discerned that Kelly would be a stay-at-home mom and I picked up side jobs here and there and it was going good, but we were just like, “Why are we not, like, next level?” And this counselor said, “Well, look around and who do you admire?” And Kelly and I both said, well, we admired her parents— dairy farmers who worked hard and had a modest little place. And we admired my parents—still married after 50 years and who raised a family. And we didn’t really connect the dots right at that millisecond, but the counselor said, “Well, what do your parents do that maybe you aren’t doing?” And we kind of both looked at each other and said, “My parents go to church all the time.” And like, “Oh, oh, I wonder what that is about?” So, we started going to church.

Now, I’ve never been against the Church or never not for the Church. I was just lazy. Lazy and missed this and active social life. And so we said, “Okay, do we need to get going back to this church?” So we do. And okay, I think this might be a path. At that time, my spouse got in a mother’s group at the church and I think, theologically, the mother’s group was horrible. But the kindred motherness they all had— they all wanted to be moms and they all wanted to be some type of Christ-centered and some of the suggestions and some of the leadership there was a little Protestant-ish, kind of.

OMS: Because this is the 1990s?

Tony: Yep. Late 90s. So, we’re bumbling, fumbling, and a relatively new priest comes to this parish and says in a homily, Moms and dads, we have to be diligent in [not using] birth control and stuff like that. And my wife and I…he really took some bullets. It was kind of an eye opening moment. I’m like, “Oh, I didn’t really know what he was talking about.” My wife Kelly got it right away. She’s like, “Oh, yeah. That can’t be a teaching of the Church.” And if 80 percent, 90 percent of the church is doing it, what are we doing?

Well, this same young priest invited… this parish had 2,800 registered families.. and this priest invited all with an open door to come learn Theology of the Body. It was new from Pope John Paul, that was put into a a system through Christopher West. And of that 2,800 families, Kelly and I and one other young couple that Kelly met through this mom’s group, we went, and we’re just these young couples, just raising families. And this young priest and we just sat in his little rectory. It’s just kind of a dumpy little place. And we watched this DVD of Theology of the Body. And that was the lightning rod, the catapult, that shot Kelly and I to the next level. And it really was… really we just looked at each other and said, “I think this is it. I think our culture, our marriage, our siblings, our workforce…this is really important!” And we just became best friends, the five of us, Kelly and I and that other couple and this priest, and we just marched forward.

Then we got a hold of living that Theology of the Body and now the babies started coming more. It’s just exactly what you think of. Boy, then we had baby number five which was our first boy. And all the aunts and uncles, well, now you got your boy, now. Now you can be done. And Kelly is so gracious and just so beautiful and she would smile and say, “Well, you know, we’re kind of just open to life and we’ll see what God’s plan is.” And I always admire her. She was so gentle. Because I wanted to take ‘em in the back room and beat ‘em up, like, “You’re not listening to what I have to say! You’re not listening!”

Then we got a hold of living that Theology of the Body and now the babies started coming more.

So, that was fine. And then, another baby came, another boy. And yay! And it was so incredible to see… It just showed a mob mentality of, “Oh you guys are… this is nuts! You’re crazy. Are you being responsible? This is horrible,” in a group. But then, “Oh, you guys are very good at this.” And “I’m so happy for you.” One-on-one. One-on-one they really super admired it as long as no one was listening. Kelly took more of those. She did the heavy lifting on that. I was just the dad part, which I always loved.

Then baby number seven— boy. And this is a great story. I have to go in a big circle to tell this one. Kelly went to a little clinic right by our house. The nurse there was a coworker-of-mine’s sibling. So, every time Kelly went, she would see this coworker’s sibling. “Hey, Mrs. Butler, how you doing?” Kelly was such a good mom. They go down for the pregnancy test and Kelly goes, “I’m pregnant.” “Well, we have to confirm it.” Yep. Yay! Kelly, you’re pregnant, number seven. This nurse goes to a family function and tells my coworker, “Hey, guess what? The Butlers are going to have another one.” Well, that Monday, this guy comes to work and in a lunch breakroom of 40 guys hollers as loud as he can, “Hey, butler, I heard you’re having another one.” And this breakroom just went ham. It was like a political party. “What are you doing? get a television!” “Keep your hands off her! Don’t you think that’s enough? Stop it!” It was just a riot. And I just took it. Yeah, whatever. But again, our culture when it quiets down over, I’d say the next couple weeks, I’d be moving a piece of pipe or something and a guy would come over and be, “Hey, I’m really happy for you. I wanted a big family and Mrs. said, ‘No way!’. That kind of stinks.” And then, you know, a week later, “you know, I’m one of 10 kids and I thought I’d have a big family, but I didn’t get married till much later and it just never worked out.” So, it was really neat. the mob mentality, grab your pitchforks, let’s get this guy. But then the one-on-one…I’ve overwhelmingly been supported.

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OMS: So, what do you think is the hardest thing about having and nurturing children?

I love all of it.

Tony: That’s a good question, because I love all of it. I love all of it. One of the hardest things for me is supporting my wife on my children’s ups and downs. How my children’s ups and downs target her and though I want to be loving and supporting of them, I have to really be loving and supporting of her. So the hardest part is supporting Mrs. on that. The children themselves… there’s a great diocesan priest I just so admired he goes: “Children are emotional black holes.” And I’ve quoted that to my wife and she goes, “Oh yeah! That’s a statement!” Because they really are. I didn’t realize how much energy and love you pour into them and they’re like “Yeah, thanks.” Thanks! What’s that famous song? “Yeah. Thanks. Can I have the keys to the car?” So, I’m odd, and I know I’m blessed. I know I’m blessed because I don’t get too worked up about my children’s shortcomings or mistakes they made. I can shrug and say, so far, all of my children, all eight of my children have not made mistakes as big as me. So I’m very grateful for that.

OMS: Now you’re oldest is 30?

Tony: 31.

OMS: Your youngest is 12?

Tony: 13 years between the oldest and youngest.

OMS: And you’re now 59, and you’ve got a child going into eighth grade or seventh grade. My nephew Marco calls that the caboose baby. Then you’ve also got grandchildren.

Tony: Yep. All the same age. They fit right in. So that’s kind of neat. One thing that Kelly and I worked really hard, really hard on. Kelly and I are pro-life. That doesn’t mean our children are pro-life. We don’t know what they’re going to be. But I don’t want to hear my children when they’re 50 years old say, “I had to help raise my children, my siblings.” Yeah, you hear that. And I don’t even think that’s accurate. Sometimes I think it’s just a compliment. So that’s one thing that Kelly and I always kept in front of us. And it’s really rewarding because I think we’ve done an okay job with that. So, with Marco’s thought of a caboose, I really like that. I said to our youngest, Sean. I said, “Sean, you’ve got it made. You’re the youngest and God knew all along to put you at the end.” So that’s God’s plan. Bridget our the oldest will come home and the youngest will be in the living room eating a bag of Doritos and the oldest will be like, “What? What? He’s eating Doritos in the living room? I could have never done that. I could have never done that. And I’m like, yeah, you know what? You probably couldn’t have, but that’s the way it goes.

OMS: There are advantages to being the youngest.

Tony: Yes. I don’t even consider eight children a big family. I think it is culturally today, but there are many people our age that are one of eight, ten seven, you know, it’s pretty normal. One of the middle children went to a job interview and its “Tell us about yourself.” And she goes, “I’m the third. I have three older sisters.” “Oh, okay. So, you’re the youngest?” And she goes, “No, I have four younger brothers.” And the interviewer is like, “Okay, when do you want to start?” You know what the social circles are. You know how it’s going to work if you’re right in the middle. I bet you can handle anything. And that particular child, she can handle anything.

OMS: And as far as the effort of keeping everything together, was there a point where the older kids kind of shouldered some of the load?

Tony: Yeah. You know, I’m so fortunate. I’m so blessed in I’ve always said Kelly did a lot of the heavy lifting and how she would organize things. Laundry baskets, you know, so that it just made it easier. Because I could come home and kind of be the heavy. Okay, mom’s done this now, where’s your part in this? We really did teamwork. We used to kind of fist pump at night and yeah, we have to do good cop, bad cop. So to answer your question, no, I don’t really have any trudgery or being burdened down by that. I just smiled and really enjoyed it.

OMS: The flip side of what was the hardest thing about having children, what do you think is the best thing about having children?

Tony: Pride. I am so proud. I am so proud of my family. We would go to the cathedral with our children dressed nice. The intentional effort of Kelly. We said, we you need to be obedient in church. Yeah, it was just super rewarding. My wife and I were in a were in a Marian movement and they would always have this little festival. I handed two girls two power tools and said to one girl, “I want you to stripe a line here, and the other girl, I want you to cut that line, and the other girl, I want you to screw that in there.” And one of the sisters was kind of like, “Mr. Butler, should they be running power tools? What if they cut their fingers?” And I got in big trouble. “Mr. Butler, what if they cut their finger off?” And I said, well, they’ll only do it once. I thought I shouldn’t have said that. And it worked out too, where these girls were responsible because of hands--on and they did just what I asked. Kelly and I did the sweat equity of “let’s teach as a team. Let’s teach as… mom and dad are the boss and we’re all on the same mission.”Yeah. So, I’m trying to think of some other highlights. There’s some sporting events where the children did well which were highlights and I was very proud of them. One of my boys started dating a girl. This girl asked, “What are you guys doing this weekend?” “Oh, we’re going to a wedding.” And this girl literally said to him, in high school, “I’ve never been to a wedding.” And my boy goes, “I’ve been to a hundred weddings. It’s the best! You go to a wedding, you can dance and you can get as much Pepsi and Mountain Dew as you want.” So, yeah, it’s little things like. Kelly and I had a nice foundation to where it granted our children a lot of freedom for that.

OMS: Beautiful. Can you think of any ways you’ve experienced God supporting and helping you with your journey here?

Tony: Yep. Yep. So, we’ve cruised along and we have never had money. We’ve always our whole lives been paycheck to paycheck. I am standing in front of my work and I have $22 on me, but I know I only have $2 because that $20 bill has to go to a school for the boy who’s going to go on a field trip or a sporting event and he has to have that $20. So, I know I only have $2 on me. And I was trying to be reflective of God’s image and this homeless mother is pushing a baby carriage with a baby in it and it has all the bags on it and I’m like, “This is brutal.” And I wanted to just be encouraging. So, I go out to say, “Hey, is this your baby, beautiful.” Yeah. And, I go out there and I say, “Oh, is that a baby girl or baby boy?” And this homeless mom says--she used profanity, I’m not going to—”My baby just pooped all over itself! It’s a mess, and the gas station won’t let me get paper towels.” And I’m so Christlike. My first thought was, “I’m not giving you my $20.” And I thought, “Oh, Lord, yep. I just wanted to encourage her.” So, what did I do? I went in my pocket. I said, “Here, will this help you?” And I gave her that $20. And then later that day, some other benefactor at the school said, “Oh, we got that. We took care of that for your kid.” So it was it was in one hand and out the other.

Another incident was a great benefactor out of the blue. I do all the auto maintenance myself and we kind of joke, it’s kind of true, but it’s kind of a joke too, is that all of the Butlers’ cars are other people’s junk. “Hey, I have this piece of junk in my driveway. You want it?” “Yeah. It’s nicer than what I’m driving!” So, we’ll fix them up. And I got this car which wasn’t a piece of junk, but it didn’t have a transmission, but it was a nice car. And I thought, “Okay, I’m actually going to have to go borrow money to get a transmission for it.” And I go to church and this lady handed me a check and she goes, “I was really praying and I was going to get a new car, but I thought, I bet the Butlers could use this.” I didn’t tell this lady this. The transmission was $4,100 and she wrote me a check for $4,000. So I paid $100 for this really nice car with now we got a new transmission in it. We’ve been driving it ever since. So I have to check myself because on this hand I say, “Oh, I just got to work harder. I gotta fulfill my household responsibilities. I want to be diligent here. I want to be ahead. And on this side--I do want to trust in God. There’s a priest on Relevant Radio who says if you’re open to life-- and it’s biblical--If you’re open to life you will not perish. God will provide for you. I wrestle with that. I know he will. I know he will. But I still am the manly Neanderthal. So, I still got to pick myself up by my boots and I still want to do my part. So, if I were a little bit more courageous, I could really surrender to God’s gifts. But I still I value them when they come. I wish I had more trust in many more of them, but that’s where I’m at right now.

OMS: What would you say to a young father saying, “I’m just getting by with two kids. How could I afford more?”

[M]y newest quote is going to be from Charlie Kirk. He said in one of his talks, when he goes to campuses, he told young men, “Have more children than you can afford.” And I thought, I’m living that! I live that. I’ve been living that for 30 years.

Tony: Yep. I was thinking about that. Let’s circle back to, I want to talk more about young fathers, but in that particular one right there. So now our newest assassination… Charlie Kirk. In my garage, where my kids are always welcome. There’s a billboard that says “cuss words that are allowed” and they’re all none of them swears, but they’re all “fudge nickel” and all those stupid ones. And Blessed Mother’s there and the crucifix is there and there’s some old dirt bike pictures of me there and fun stuff like that. And if my kids do drawings, I pin those up there. Well, I haven’t did it yet, but my newest quote is going to be from Charlie Kirk. He said in one of his talks, when he goes to campuses, he told young men, “Have more children than you can afford.” And I thought, I’m living that! I live that. I’ve been living that for 30 years.

OMS: Well, let’s circle back to your advice for young fathers.

Tony: It was pointed out to me by my wife and since she pointed it out, and now its just fingers on a chalkboard. If we look at commuting traffic, all of these dads sitting in the passenger seat on their phones while mom’s driving. I find it so discouraging. So discouraging. So, if I’m asked, if a young dad came up to me and said, “Hey, Mr. Butler, I like your family. I like what you’ve done. What can I do?” I’m going to tell you, I want you to be last on everything. I want you to be the last one to eat. I want you to be the last one to go to bed. I want you to make sure the garbage is out. I want you to drive. And if your spouse says, “I don’t like you driving. You drive too fast.” Then drive slower. “I don’t like you driving because you yell or curse at other traffic in your way.” Then stop cursing at traffic. Do what Mrs. says. I think the undercurrent on that is sending a message that I don’t think is healthy. And I can’t really base it on anything. It’s just a feeling. Young dads I think are under such a microscope of they can’t do anything right. They’re bumbling fumbling idiots, and yet, the ones that I know work hard. They want to get ahead. They seem to make good purchases. They have to be manly, masculine, and they have to put their wife on a pedestal. Not in the reverence of Mother Mary, in the reverence of God’s great creation, not in what our culture would say: “Oh, you’re just whipped.” “You just do whatever she says.” “You have no voice.” Really, kind of do what she says. If it’s teamwork, you’re going to want to do what she says. That’s what I have found. The teamwork is co-mission. Not submission, it’s co-mission. I’ve heard that term from some of my older children, “co-parenting.: I don’t know what therapist came up with that! But some days you’re all parent and some days Mrs. is all parent, but you have got to come together. So that’s what I wanted to tell young men. You have to be last for the right reasons. Be last for the right reasons and love your mother, the mother of your children, even when it’s really difficult. Sometimes it’s really difficult, you love them. look around. We have a very close priest friend of ours. Well, this kind of stunned me when he said, “I would rather somebody come in my office and say, ‘Father, I have cancer,’ than have someone come in my office and say, ‘Father, I’m getting divorced’.” And that hit home within our household. And it was very very hard. We’re super supportive. When I tell young men, it’s kind of neat, the Theology of the Body always rears its head in my work conversations and somebody will be fussing about their spouse or not getting their way or something. And I just point blank tell them, “Do you know how far ahead you are that it’s a husband and wife in the same house? Your kids come home to a mom and a dad. Even if you guys aren’t singing Whistling Dixie, they still come home. Your children are half, half as better off than most people.” And I’ve heard some compliments of, “Oh yeah, yeah, thanks.” Or, “Yeah, I needed to hear that.” And I’ve got a lot of blank stares. “I still can’t stand her!” And I’m like, “Come on.” So, yeah.

OMS: So looking back, if you were doing it all over, is there something that you would do different?

Tony: Yeah, I don’t know. I really don’t know. Yes. So I would clearly be a better steward of my money. Would we be where we’re at without my bumbles and fumbles? Maybe, maybe not. Kelly and I were so gracious of divine intervention. We got that through a Bible study and I said to a priest, “I’m so lucky to have Kelly.” And he goes, “Luck? No, no, no such thing as luck. It’s all divine.” And I’ve really wrestled with that. The house that we live in is divine providence. It’s unbelievable. So yeah, to answer you, no, because I don’t think I would change anything because I know I would screw it up. I know I’d make a bad decision. “Hey Tony, do you want to buy ground level Microsoft or Apple?” “ No, I don’t like apples. No, I don’t need that. I’m gonna buy new tires for my car instead.” So, I wouldn’t change any of that. I think I would try to tell myself to be a better steward with money. And then that would be about it.

OMS: Now, you mentioned to me some stories about your big white van.

Tony: A great friend of mine calls the big Ford Econoline vans, he calls them Catholic assault vehicles. And when we were downtown at the cathedral, it kind of looked like the state parking. You know, there’s just all these big white vans. And I loved it. I generally loved it. I’ll see if one of the Butler children writes a little memoir of the big white van! We get this… so happy mistake, we’re in a minivan and I think it’s baby number four is due. We go to drive this van and Mrs. is really, really, pregnant and we don’t buy it at the time and okay, “I’m going to think about it Mr. Salesman,” and we go home. Well, then a day, then labor, then we’re a couple days, and this salesman calls me and goes, “I’ve been holding this van for you.” And I said, “I don’t think we can afford it right now.” “Well, what’s it going to take? That whole shtick. And he dropped the price quite a bit. And I said, “Great. We’ll take it.” So, we got this big white van-- only had like 8,000 miles on it. I thought this is paradise!

OMS: Fourteen passenger?

Tony: Twelve passenger. First thing I did, as a matter of fact, on the way home from picking it up, I pulled into a big box store and I bought a carpet and I took all of the seats out and I trimmed out each piece and then I put the seats back in so the carpet from the factory would stay nice--because I knew that carpet was not going to stay nice! and it didn’t. So we got home. one of the older girls--this is where I’ll bounce all over the place with the big white van--one of the older girls, her very close friend was an only child. Every now and then that only child would do something with us and like, “All right, let’s go get in the van.” And, the oldest daughter would be just trudgery. Get in this van, there’s three car seats in here, somebody left an apple core or something. And the only child would get in it and be like, “This is like a limo! You have your own limo!” And my oldest daughter’s just like, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Another good big white van story is, it was so nice because Mrs. could get up and attend to a fussy baby or adjust a car seat. You know, we didn’t have to really pull over for that because it was you could pivot and do that. Yeah. The downside of that was, as a child, you did not want to have to sit between Mrs. Butler and I-- that means something bad happened. And you know, I can see in the rearview mirror and I’m looking and I see something escalating and, okay, it escalated. “That’s it! You, up here!” And then you can just watch him trudging. Oh man. I mean, what is it? It’s 6 and 1/2 ft. It’s like the walk of death. “Sit down right here.” And then the children would do the faces and all that fun stuff. You get in trouble. Trying to think of other van stories.

OMS: Like your co-workers asking you how many kids you’re going to have?

Tony: Yeah, that would be the other one. Yep. “Hey, another baby came, great! Congratulations.” Another baby come. “Great, congratulations! How many kids you gonna have?” I said, “Well, the van holds 12.” “What?” They just stare at me. That van we put 250 thousand miles on that van. A couple of the kids went and got their driver’s test in that van. Our kids went to this most wonderful Catholic school and we had, not March for Life, but 40 Days for Life. I think they broke at least ten rules at least 10 rules. “Hey, can we go over to 40 Days for life and say the Rosary during lunch?” and I don’t know what happened but they’re like, “Yeah, you can go.” So, my one daughter drove seven, eight, ten kids in this van. You know, she didn’t have her GDL. She just had her driver’s license. And, you know, none of them probably had seat belts on. And it’s just I’m thinking that is wonderful! You can break the rules for that. You can, okay, if you get caught, you have to be responsible for the consequence. But I like that you broke the rules to go do that out for 40 Days for Life. That big white awesome. I think on several different occasions Mrs. Butler’s been asked “Do you run a daycare?” “Nope. They’re all mine.”

OMS: A lot of young men are probably thinking, well, you know, I’ll get established in my job before I think about getting married.

Tony: It’s kind of neat. I really am so blessed. I have a really good relationship with my family, my siblings, my nieces and nephews—we’re really very tight, pretty picturesque. We have ups and downs, but it’s pretty wonderful. So, my nephews, who I would always take with me on all my adventures of dirt bike riding and four-wheeling and fun stuff like that. And then they got older and they got married and they had kids. It’s kind of neat because they were at a Christmas party and I said to one, my one nephew, I said, “That’s a beautiful baby and I bet you’re joyful and I have a question for you. Your baby is born and then you look at your spouse and you’re like, man, I just love you even more now.” “Yeah. Yeah, I did. That’s good insight, Uncle Tony.” I said, “You love your wife more now after the baby?” “Yeah.” I said, “So, in theory, I love my wife eight times more than you do.” And you could just see the eyeballs going [spinning around]. I do kind of try to pull that out of young men. Yeah, it it’s really something beautiful. And if you have no barriers and if you want to trust in God’s plan…my wife and I can be a living example of--it’s not easy, but it’s worth it. I attest to it. It is so worth it.

OMS: Beautiful. Well, thank you, Tony.

Tony: You’re welcome.

OMS: I would like to play a song for you now—about a big white van.